Big beauty news today, everyone! If you haven’t heard already, Tan Mom—that kooky woman from New Jersey who was accused several months ago of taking her 6-year-old daughter to the tanning salon and letting her use one of the beds (she denied the allegations)—has taken a month-long break from sunning, artificial and otherwise. And look at her now!
You all remember how scary she looked before, right? I mean, how could you forget?
Now, I know that none of you gorgeous Beautyfix fans—even those of you who shun the undeniable scientific evidence that tanning beds are terrible and continue to bask in the warmth of the electric beach with nary a care in the world—would ever dream of taking your artificial bronze to the depths of darkness this woman did. (At least, I hope you wouldn’t.) But I also know that nobody’s perfect. Hey, I’d be lying if I told you I never did the whole tanning bed thing when I was younger! We all make mistakes. And without mistakes, how would most of us ever learn anything?
By now—and particularly with Tan Mom in mind—I hope we’ve all learned a few truths when it comes to tanning. If not … please allow me to break it down.
- Tanning causes premature aging. I mean, just look at Tan Mom “after.” An improvement? Oh, no question. But does that look like the face of a 44-year-old to you?
- Tanning can become a severe compulsion. Believe me, I’m not poking fun with this one. The psychology that governs our ideas on beauty is complex, to say the least—and Tan Mom is another extreme specimen, like, say, Jocelyn Wildenstein. I’m all about doing whatever you want to your face, hair and body that makes you feel better about yourself. But if someone I knew and cared about was taking it to this level or openly aspiring to look like a feline, I’d urge that person to seek professional help, and I hope you’d do the same.
- Tanning doesn’t always look good. Any questions?
- There’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re wrong. I’d imagine it took a lot of guts for Tan Mom to put down the accelerator lotion and say to herself “maybe I have a problem.” While she’s done irreparable damage to her skin, it’s awesome that she found it in herself to break the cycle. She admitted she feels “pale” now and I believe it! I’m no shrink, but if I were a gambling woman I’d bet that something in her brain tells her she NEEDS to be tan. Not merely that she must be tan in order to look better in a bathing suit, but that she will DIE if she doesn't tan enough. This sort of thing doesn’t go away in a month, I don’t think. So good for Tan Mom. She just did something that surely must have terrified her.
I’ll leave you all with a wild idea to chew on—and remember, this is coming from one of the pastiest people in the land. One who has, in the past, tried out every conceivable means of becoming a bronzed babe. Why not just be the color you were born? Why spend so much time and money modifying and damaging your skin in the process? I know, I know, I know. Being tan makes us look skinnier, younger, prettier and blah blah blah. Use a Tan Towel. That's what I do when I change my mind about everything I just said (I am, after all, a woman) and decide being pale is the pits. Or, get a spray tan … just be sure to channel your inner Bill Clinton, and don’t inhale.